WORK IN PROGRESS
PERSPECTIVES ON PARENTING

WHAT DO WE VALUE?

When parents of teenagers get together these days, there's a common theme to the conversations: "I've given these kids everything and they don't appreciate it. They just expect it!"

One of the biggest issues plaguing our culture today is entitlement. We may think that the problem is our kids, but we must first take a good look at the part we play in causing this mindset in the first place.

We are an affluent culture: hard working, fast moving and wanting the very best for our children. The question is: what do we really value? Often the homes where our children grow up resemble an annex of Toys R' Us, with all of the latest gadgets and gizmos strewn everywhere.

Parents usually spend a lot of time picking up these toys and putting them away, frustrated that their kids don't take better care of the stuff. But, why would they? They didn't ask for it, work for it or pay for it. The stuff just keeps showing up.

A good way to address this problem with little ones is to say after dinner some night: "By bedtime tonight, please pick up all the toys you'd like to keep." That's it. No reminders. No warnings. No urging. That night, after the bedtime stories have been read and the children are nestled in their beds, mom and dad can gleefully play "anti Santa" and pick up all of the forgotten toys. These are placed in large trash bags and stored on a high shelf in a closet or garage.

The next day is when the surprise comes. Almost all parents find that their children don't miss the toys or ask for them back. The bags sit on the shelf and the parents begin to realize who was actually attached to them in the first place.

This is where it begins, but not where it ends. As our children grow, we continue to want to give them things to show our love and to share the wealth that we work so hard to acquire. But we must have the wisdom to also give them the gifts that we truly value: gifts like hard work, commitment and service, rather than just the ones we can go out and buy. If we give them everything for nothing, they will continue to expect this kind of treatment throughout their life.

When our teenager says: "Well, I'm sixteen, where's my car," we're shocked and angry. We want to know, "where did this selfish kid come from?"

That's a good question.

ARCHIVED ARTICLES

October 2004
September 2004
August 2004
July 2004